Fifty Shades of H
by Teeheehee123
Summary: Touch me...feel me...I'm yours...forever.


**A/N: This is a thank you present to all of my loyal readers who have supported my writing journey throughout the past year, I honestly couldn't have made this journey without you. Merry Christmas folks!**

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His tapered fingers reach out towards me as his gaze travels further along my arm, almost to the apex where two very different parts of my body connect. I hear his sharp intake of breath as his feather-light touch threatens to send me to the edge of oblivion.

How can it be that I have never felt this way about him before? How did I never manage to see the signs that were now so obviously staring me in the face?

I'd known him for years. Standing by his side, united in our unquenchable thirst for justice. We had been together for so long, facing the harsh glare of the day together, watching that same sun that set so beautifully across the waters at night.

We had been a constant in each other's life, never straying too far from one another - especially in the heat of battle. Although words were not spoken, he knew that I would protect him no matter what, that I would protect and care for him in the same way that he had me.

His calloused hands run up my arms once more as he touches me in that distracted way of his, as if his mind is anywhere but here with me. I've come too far to take his distance personally. It is a part of who he is, a part of what makes him the man I love.

I learned long ago that I would have to share him; that other people would demand the kind of time and attention that I wished he'd save only for me. Even when he grew close to another, I would be the one to rest close to his heart. I would be the one that he would let his defences down around. When he guided me closer to his chest...that was when I knew that he would be mine forever.

It felt as if wherever he went that he took a part of me with him, too. When he was there, so was I. When he hurt, I hurt. We were linked intrinsically, never letting man nor beast separate us. When he took a hit, I did too. I would be the one to heal his wounds. Me, not anyone else.

There were times when his temper got the better of him and he would be rough, but a twisted part of me enjoyed that. A part of me got off on the control that I allowed him to exert over me, the way that he would grip me tightly and do as he pleased with me. I revelled in his masculinity, the way that he would show me that he was in charge and that it would be by his discretion alone that he would free me from the binding chains of his love.

When he held me in his hands…..God, I felt a spark ignite deep within, sharpening the images around me until their clarity was astounding. Was this how he viewed the world, had I only provided a filter for what lay outside? Had his love kept me boxed in, unable to see the world in the way that he did?

Was that why he behaved the way that he did, being gentle with me one moment and then distant and cruel the next? He was mercurial, his moods changing abruptly like the seasons. Yet I liked it when he showed me who was boss. I yearned for the times when he would manhandle me, tossing me between his hands as if I were nothing more than an object to him.

But we were more than that, we always had been. From the moment that I had been introduced to him, I knew that we would be together forever. Our first meeting had been awkward as he held me, seeming for all the world as if he had no idea what to do with me.

_Touch me._

_Feel me._

_I'm yours…forever._

Those were the words that I whispered in his ear as he brought me closer to his face – to get a better look at me no doubt. A spark flew between us the first time we touched, I revelled in the feel of his soft red hair, the colour of his eyes…..the smell of his lightly freckled skin.

I still remember - clear as day, the first time that he took me home. I was nervous, who wouldn't be? It had been the first night that we'd met, yet I already knew that he had a hold over me. Was it foolish to think that we could only ever be friends?

That first night he had been gentle, never forcing me to give anything to him. He placed me down so gently next to him in the bedroom, as if I were a precious gift to be revered and protected at all costs. He never demanded more than I was willing to give. But how had our relationship changed so quickly?

Now I hungered for his touch. I grew jealous if he dared to spend his time with another. He was mine, how could he not understand that?

Yet still he kept me boxed in. His chains tightened around my arms until I could no longer move. Where had my sweet man gone? Where was the kind and gentle soul who would never demand more than I was willing to give?

But a part of me loved it. Loved the control that he had over me. I was bound to him emotionally, physically…..intrinsically. I would stay his prisoner forever if that was what it took to keep him by my side. I would become his slave, yielding to his wanton desires. He would have complete control over my mind…..my body…..my soul.

I would allow him the control that he so desperately craved. When his world began spinning out of control, it would be me that he would reach for, wanting the physical comfort and reassurance that only I could give him. It was the feel of my body on his that would quiet the demons in his tortured mind. Only I could take away the pain that seemed hell-bent on hounding him throughout the years. I gave him reassurance when he felt troubled, I calmed his racing heart when fear threatened to grip him, stopping the cold claws of fear from sinking into his scarred body.

He knew that I would never judge him, never treat him as if he were made of glass. But when we were together he knew that he could be whoever he wanted to be. Stoic lieutenant or needy little boy, it didn't matter to me, for I saw him for who he truly was. I saw the man behind the image, the man who quieted at my subtle touch.

Ours was a selfish love, perhaps never destined to last the course. Maybe our fiery passion would break us apart, but for now I wanted nothing more than to feel him against me, touching me in the way that sent shivers up my spine. I knew that I would be expected to share him, yet I could not. He would not share me either. We belonged to each other.

But we were both damaged. Broken in places that could not easily be fixed. The lens through which we viewed life was cracked by years of heartache and suffering, offering us a distorted view of the world and the people around us. Maybe that was why we were drawn to each other, we shared the same outlook on life; we saw things differently than other folk. We _were _different than other folk.

I touch his face in the afterglow of our union. A joining of the souls so sweet that it feels like our homecoming. I could stay this way with him forever. My damaged prince and I, facing the world together. I want him close to me. I want to know that he is mine for ever more.

He moves away from me slowly as I stare at him in confusion. Why has he moved away?

He gives me a look of such abject sadness. A feeling of heart-stopping fear comes over me, crashing against my tiny and insignificant body in waves. I feel consumed by the horror that grips at my very soul. He's moving further away...

He's leaving me. After everything I have done, he's leaving me!

No, this can't be happening. Why is he placing this distance between us, doesn't he remember that we are destined to be united forever, so intricately intertwined that we can never be separated?

He walks slowly back to me and I let out a breath that I hadn't realised I'd been holding. He picks me up gently…..so very gently. He's returned to his senses it would seem, remembered that his loyalty is to me and no one else.

He's carrying me...to our special place perhaps?

He lowers me down, with that sad smile on his face once more. What is he about to do with me?

I don't like it, I'll admit it. He lays me down with care and I feel a silky softness beneath me as he runs his fingers up and down my arms once more. I feel my pulse return to a more sedate pace, his gentle touch calming me.

Then it happens so quickly. The darkness begins to descend, I feel myself covered by more silky softness. Then everything turns black.

He has me trapped. He's holding me prisoner in a cage with no bars or light. I am bound, helpless against his will. I see nothing but inky black darkness.

He has left me.

I am alone.

Then I hear his voice, the quiet timbre alerting me to the fact that he has placed distance between us. My sight is gone, but I hear everything he says. My heart breaks as I hear the words that were meant for me:

"Sweetheart, glad you could make it."

My world shatters completely as I hear the feminine reply. "Horatio, so nice to see you. I'm glad you've finally taken those damned sunglasses off..." I hear her kiss him. "You have lovely eyes, it seems such a shame to hide them."

"Indeed, ma'am. Tonight, I only have eyes for you."


End file.
